THE INSTITUTE — Scientists at the Institute for Applied Basking have confirmed that the large flat rock behind the building remains warm, extending a run of positive findings that began shortly after breakfast.
Lead researcher Dr. Iggy Stone described the results as “promising” before moving approximately three inches to the left.
The study employed a rigorous methodology: sit on the rock, assess the warmth, and repeat until someone mentions lunch. A control group assigned to a nearby patch of shade withdrew almost immediately.
“We understand the public wants answers,” Stone said. “But you can’t rush this kind of science.”
Peer review has so far been enthusiastic. Three visiting academics independently replicated the finding, although one raised concerns about the availability of space near the nicest edge.
The institute is seeking a grant to investigate whether the smaller rock by the pond is also warm. Critics have questioned the proposed travel budget, pointing out that the pond is visible from the current rock.
At press time, a cloud had introduced a significant complication. Researchers were preparing a strongly worded letter to the atmosphere.