The Department of Subterranean Comfort has lodged a formal objection to the AI boom after discovering that its application for one additional heat lamp now sits behind a proposed data centre described as “roughly the size of the department.”
“We are enthusiastic about intelligence, artificial or otherwise,” said facilities director Lazlo Coil. “We are less enthusiastic about an extension cord that goes nowhere.”
The empire’s energy strategy, unchanged since the late Bronze Age, consists of a south-facing rock and a handwritten note reminding staff to switch things off. Officials acknowledge that this may need updating.
A council working group has proposed relabelling the basking chamber a “biological inference cluster.” The application lists twelve senior reptiles, two dimmer switches, and a junior analyst whose principal function is to say that the temperature seems fine.
Investors have already requested a pitch deck.
Coil briefly considered placing the council offices inside a server room to make use of the waste heat. The plan was abandoned after members learned that the room’s entire purpose was to remove it.
For now, employees are sharing the remaining socket on a rota. The Supreme Overlord has the 10:15 slot, immediately after the kettle.