THE SUBURBS — A local couple has reassured visitors that the powerful infrared lamp installed above their new nursery is simply the latest development in Nordic interior design.
“It’s about warmth,” explained homeowner Vera Voss, adjusting a thermostat labeled INCUBATION. “And clean lines. You know how the Scandinavians are.”
Guests at Saturday’s housewarming praised the room’s restrained color palette and tactfully avoided asking why the crib contained sand.
One neighbor admitted she had initially found the arrangement unusual. “But they showed me a very expensive catalog,” she said, “and after that I assumed it was something I couldn’t afford.”
The couple has since described the room’s other distinctive features as “biophilic.” These include a shallow water dish, a climbable branch, and a framed print reading LIVE, LAUGH, REGULATE YOUR BODY TEMPERATURE.
An interior designer consulted by this newspaper confirmed that the overall look was entirely consistent with current high-end trends. “The important thing is that nothing appears comfortable for a human,” she said.
The family declined to discuss a planned extension, described on the permit application as “a modest domestic hatching wing.”