THE SURFACE — The cost of renting a presentable human disguise has risen again, leaving many younger reptiles with little choice but to continue wearing the same “recent graduate” suit well into their fourth century.
The shortage is particularly acute in the middle-management category, where a believable expression of mild concern now commands a substantial premium.
“My parents bought their first human suits on one salary,” said 312-year-old analyst Kress. “I’m sharing a regional sales director with two other people. We have a calendar.”
Suppliers attribute the increase to rising eyebrow costs and an industry-wide shortage of convincing small talk. A representative said the company had worked hard to keep basic nodding affordable.
Budget options remain available, though reviewers warn that the entry-level “Guy at the Gym” model comes with only four conversational settings, two of which are about protein.
The council’s housing subcommittee has proposed a subsidy for first-time skin wearers. Eligibility requires proof of income, two references, and a photograph of the applicant looking genuinely surprised by a birthday cake.
An opposition spokesperson dismissed the proposal as inadequate. “You cannot solve a structural problem by asking everyone to grow a fringe.”